Everything was planned to the last detail.
Your dress has been hemmed. The centerpieces have been ordered.
The invites have been mailed. Your rings are waiting patiently in their boxes.
Then you switch the channel to the news. Scroll your social media feed.
And everything freezes.
For all of those out there who have postponed your wedding, are planning to postpone, or are unsure if you need to postpone at this point; know that I see you. Know that I feel your pain. And that I am here for you.
As someone who was married last summer, those memories of frantically organizing and planning is still fresh in my mind. I can only imagine how the stress of planning now mixed with the stress of postponing can create an emotional soup filled with hopelessness and grief.
For many of you, I bet you are feeling cheated by this pandemic. So many years of saving and dreaming all coming to a fantastic hault just weeks or months away from your vows.
What I want to write about today was to offer some perspective regarding weddings and marriage in general. Perhaps my thoughts here could ease some of your worries and lead you down a different route for your wedding day. This post is purely my opinion and I understand some will disagree; but I believe it is worth the time to write and share.
Once upon a time 8 months ago, I planned my own wedding. I planned it to ensure that all my guests (who were ALL coming from out of town) were fed, entertained, and cared for. This took months of organizing, many people, and about $12,000 (without a professional photographer, DJ, classy venue, OR a planner). I was convinced that all the fussing and fretting would lead to ultimately a wedding that could stand up there against Instagram fantasies and TLC’s wedding shows. I believed that this would bring me a moment of “happy ever after” and bring magic and connection for my new husband and I.
What I didn’t know, was that on the day of, I would be exhausted, disconnected, and anxious. Anxious for things to be perfect. Anxious for everyone to be happy and enjoy their time. Exhausted from setting up, decorating, talking, and thinking. As much as the day itself was beautiful, and the guests were happy, I did feel s loss of what the real purpose of the day was supposed to be.
I want to encourage couples and especially brides, to re-imagine and reflect on what is most important to them on their wedding day. If you are looking for that magical “this is it” feeling, or are looking for a day of peace and joy for yourselves, perhaps consider an elopement followed by a reception when this pandemic ceases.
A bold decision in today’s world, I know. Elopements are often met with judgmental attitudes and your family considering you selfish for excluding their presence. But in a world where nothing (not even weddings) will be certain until a vaccine is found and people are immune, this may be the time to ignore those comments and consider an elopement.
If I could do it all over again, I would instead run away for a few days to the beaches of Tofino on the west coast, wear my hair down and free, with a long flowy dress (no hairspray, pins, fake eyelashes, and heavy jewlery) and marry my husband in the misty August sunshine.
Consider choosing a wedding of this caliber. No one is stopping you from arranging a big party/reception/dinner AFTER you are married and exchange your vows intimately. Once the social distancing rules have been lifted, everyone can come together to celebrate your love. And also celebrate unity and togetherness.
Some other benefits either than a clear head-space for your wedding day, could be that you get to choose TWO dresses. Hello? awesome! And that the costs will most likely be WAY down, which could help you save for an incredible honeymoon or a down-payment for a home to start your married life in.
Speak to your pastor or officiant and coordinate a (socially safe and distant) intimate ceremony in your favourite place. Allow connection and love to be the center of your day, rather than the fuss and frenzy of entertaining others. Leave that for later.
2020 just might be the year to bring back what is truly important to a wedding: your love for one another and a promise of forever.