Last night was just like any other night- I was in bed just before midnight, scrolling through my Instagram feed. Admiring and liking the photos of other photographers, creeping past clients and old friends (oh yeah like you don’t do it too).
The more I scrolled, the shittier I felt.
“How did that photographer get their photo SO sharp?”
“Why did my past clients go to a different photographer?”
“Man those people are so attractive and look so in love”
“Why is my style so vastly different than those that have thousands of followers and clients? Should I change my style to be like theirs?”
These were the thoughts that pulsated through my mind as I lay in bed. These were the thoughts that chipped away at my creative soul and overwhelmed me with a sense of inadequacy.
I dug myself into an emotional pity pit; and the sides were 100 feet deep. I had done it to myself- scrolling, comparing and telling myself I was no good for this type of work.
Many times that I had lingered on Instagram I also began to wonder things such as why my clients never posted the photos I provided; why my favourite shot only got 25 likes; why my follow count seemed to come to a freezing point.
Every thought that came to my mind while on Instagram was toxic. I was beating myself up as a new photographer- comparing myself to those who have had decades of experience and the newest and latest gear.
The moments of joy when I shared my latest work, or when a client tagged me in a post, were no longer worth it.
Social media is and will always be a garbage dump.
Instagram is a place where you show 1 or 2 amazingly perfect and curated seconds of your life and concurrently let the world know that this is you 24/7/365. That there are no ugly, unperfect or unfiltered versions of you. I have an immense problem with this.
Behind that perfectly posed, perfectly edited, hair/makeup/wardrobe on barbie and ken lookalikes- are RAW unedited people that wear sweat pants and probably don’t have that great of a relationship (just saying that to add to my point, maybe they have a great one; what I’m saying is you don’t know).
I deleted my social media accounts because I’ve decided that my style of photography cannot co-exist within the world of Instagram and Facebook. My bio says it all- you are NOTTTT my client if you get more of a rush from posting your photos on social media than looking back at printed photo albums. I BELIEVE in authenticity. When you hire me- that is what you are going to get. You are going to get YOU. Not the person you wish you were or want to be for social media.
Peace Social Media. Will not miss you for a second.
*mic drop*